Never is a Promise
by WynBird
Summary: "Love causes pain, certainly. Inevitably love is going to lead to as much sorrow and regret as it does Joy. I suppose there are perfect, eternal loves out there... but I haven't seen any." Captured by Sith, Revan reaches her breaking point. And far, far away, Carth senses it. He is determined to save his lover, but can he possibly reach her in time? Reviews welcome!
1. Love Will Save You

**_EDIT: Chapter revamped - hopefully more coherent now! I am seeking a beta-reader, please PM me if you're interested!_**

 ** _AN: I just wanted a fluffy happy ending. And a Carth that is as devoted to Light-Side Revan as he was to Dark-Side Revan. And I have more feelings than I do respect for canon. :'D_** _ **  
**_

* * *

How long had it been? Time seemed an obscure concept here, with no day, no night, not even the intangible fluctuations of the Force to console Revan. She hung, suspended in a violet cage of resplendent sparks. Or perhaps she lay in a dark corner of forgotten stone cell. They moved her, kept her drugged into a state of near oblivion. But it wasn't enough to dull the pain or block out the dark tendrils that constricted every corner of her mind and reason.

This was hell. The true power of the Sith.

She knew she could not escape the grasp of the evil that now ensnared her. She fought them at every turn but the simple battle of _enduring_ was wearing her to the core. Revan was crumbling slowly, like a great stone weathered into sand by the unending sea.

 _I should never have left._

She thought this often. It was a regret with no means of atonement.

At the time, Revan had seen few options. Nightmares of her old life plagued her, sickening reminders of a past she could not recall. Each half-remembered dream left Revan feeling more and more a stranger to her own self. She'd thought… if only she could find the truth, it would be enough to put an end to the torment. And she'd hoped, too, the truth would be enough breach the divide growing between her and Carth – a torture all its own, and as much a result of her determination to bear the guilt in silence as the visions themselves.

So she'd left. Not alone, but certainly without those she valued most. How could Revan possibly have asked Carth to join her, with nothing but bad dreams as a guide and great unknown darkness at the end of the journey? Facing her past was one thing. Asking him to face it too… to suffer, perhaps even die? No. Carth had endured enough on Revan's account.

And yet. His memory, _their memories_ – it was her last link to the Force and the light. Love kept her hanging by a thread, and she knew that Jolee had been right. If not for Carth, Revan would have surrendered long ago. She would never see him again…

 _I always meant to return._ But that had been a foolish lie, meant to ease the pain of betraying her love. She'd sensed his agony when he learned the truth, that she was gone to a place he could not follow. It had almost been enough to bring her running back. Almost.

 _I should have listened._ The pain she felt now was fitting atonement for the crime of leaving him like that.

The Sith wanted to break her. But she would die before she turned from the Light. For this, too, Revan had promised Carth. And now, more than ever, she clung stubbornly to her ideals even when it could no longer be doubted that the darkness reigned supreme. Even when he would never learn the truth.

Each day, the connection between them grew fainter. It had been years, now. Despite the constant torture, the battle for sanity that had consumed her being, this last link's weathering remained her greatest focus. At first Revan had hoped for it. Carth – moving on, finding the happiness they'd been denied. She would be alone, then, but she'd thought she could bear it if only he was at peace.

The abyss now stretched before her. Soon the last flicker of Carth's presence would fade and she would be, once and forever more, alone. The Darkness had taken her before. When Carth gave up, Revan would have nothing to hold onto, and how then would she resist?

 _Let it end before that day._

A well of emotion tugged at her sanity. She felt something fray, and then burst forth. Not fear, not anger. _Despair._

How long had she been holding it back? Weeks, months… _years?_

The prison rumbled. Somewhere, a vent broke – spewing hot steam. Arcs of power spewed from her bonds in all directions, surging through her withered frame. The Force pulsed out of Revan in a mighty flare of raw, unbridled grief - the echoes of a dying star. Soon to become a void from which there was no escape. Her last outcry would go unwitnessed - swallowed by oblivion.

 _Let it end now._

Yet she knew, as surely as she knew home was lost to her, that fate would not be so merciful.

* * *

Four years, seven months, three days.

It took several panicked minutes of backtracking to be certain. The guilt of forgetting strangled Carth. He'd kept counting, even though it was foolish. Like Morgana, Revan's face grew ever less distinct. The Admiral recalled only the ghost of her caress, her kiss, her smile. _The way she danced._ Trying to summon it was like looking through tarnished glass.

Carth remembered the _important things_ , of course: her indomitable will, her unwavering faith, her undying love. He held onto them like a lifeline. She was still alive, she had to be – _he could feel it_. But she was fading, and doubt hovered like demon over his every thought and dream. The place in his heart reserved for Revan was nothing now but an empty, gaping hole.

Surely he was only kidding himself. Surely if she were alive, she would have returned to him by now? Surely she would not have left him _like this_ …

But he could not escape the knowledge the Revan _had_ left him, in spite of everything. And told him to stay behind, a longsuffering fool awaiting the return of a lover gone off to war. Whether it was the Force or his own stupidity that kept him believing she was out there, _somewhere,_ Carth questioned the point of it all more and more each day.

 _If I'd known what you were planning, I never would have let you go…_

Wishful thinking, come far too late.

 _I would have told you how much I loved you._

Perhaps she'd doubted that. Perhaps that was why she'd chosen to make this journey alone. It pained him to think Revan might have ever wondered if his affection wavered. It pained him worse to feel conflicted in his devotion.

 _Four years, seven months, three days…_

 _Four years…_

Calloused hands rested heavily atop the console as Carth shut his eyes. He needed to keep moving forward. _For her_.

And it was then the apparition struck him. Carth staggered, gasping as a brutal wave of raw feeling assaulted him mind. It _hurt._ **"A- _agh!_ "** Lights flashed across his eyes, overwhelming at first, but slowly coming into focus. The _Hawk._ A strange planet… Revan. _And the Sith._

Somewhere beyond the black a man urged, **"Admiral?"**

 _Revan._ He felt her pain, her despair, and suddenly Carth wanted very much to vomit.

 ** _"Admiral?"_** More urgent now. Someone was trying to lift him.

 **" _Revan._ "** He choked. The impact of the… the vision, only grew more painful as the moments passed. Like an open wound the nerves were only beginning to process. Revan's feelings had touched him before but never like this.

She was hurt. She was trapped. She was _dying._

Damned if he was going to waste one more moment _counting._

The attendant was looking around wildly, **"We need some help over here!"**

 **"Contact the Jedi Council –now."** Carth ordered hoarsely as the soldier helped him rise.

 **"Sir?"**

 **" _NOW!_ That's an order! _"_**

They bolted.

His doubts had been baptized away, the intensity of her despair spurring him to action. _I promised to protect you, and that's exactly what I'm going to do._ Yet he was shaking, barely standing. Carth was afraid, more than ever before, that fate would not be merciful and he would not reach her in time.


	2. Borrowed Time

**_"Carth_ – _"_**

 **"It was _her_ , dammit!"**

Bastila's expression grew pained, which surprised him because at this point the Admiral wasn't sure she felt anything at all. Certainly not enough to _care._ She was a Knight, now, and apparently that meant abandoning people in need for a "greater good." Some things never changed.

 **"I sensed it too"** Bastila insisted, **"I know what's at stake– "**

 **" _DO YOU?"_ ** He snapped, cutting through the air with an angry hand. **"She needs us, Bastila!"**

 **"So does the Republic."** Bastila shot back. **"Revan asked us to stay behind. I do not doubt that she knew the risks. And besides, –"**

His cheeks grew hot with anger.

Bastila's gaze dropped. **"–You must feel the emptiness left in wake of the vision. She may be dead already. If not, it is likely the Dark Side consumed Revan."**

 **"I don't believe that! How can you even think of just leaving her to the mercy of, _of_ – _"_** He didn't know. Something dark. Something evil.

 **"I will present the issue to the Council. I can promise no more."**

 **"That's _it?_** **After everything she's done for us? _For you!_ "**

 **"Don't do anything foolish in the meantime, Carth."**

 _Click._

Silence filled the command room as Bastila's transmission ended, leaving Carth alone with his anger.

 **"Fine."** The pilot growled. **"If I have to save Revan myself, _fine."_**

* * *

Bastila's words replayed over and over in his mind as he readied himself. Carth had rejected them on principle. Still, they gave footing to his own secret fears. It would be easy to discredit Bastila as arrogant and cold, but logic nagged at the pilot. He was planning to travel into uncharted space, to find a woman who he'd long since believed invincible, and rescue her from an even greater foe. Based on a dream.

He resisted the doubt. What did the odds matter? She needed him. And if Revan had taught him anything, it was the power pure, blind faith truly wielded. _For better or worse_. If she was broken, he would mend her. If she was… if she was _turned_ … he would find a way to call Revan back to the Light.

How? He didn't know. But the idea that she might be lost to him, her outcry but a requiem for the dead, Carth dared not believe. Revan was easily the most pigheaded and incessant woman he'd ever met, a flame that wouldn't – _couldn't_ – be extinguished. It angered him how easily the idea had taken root in Bastila's mind.

Even so, for there to be any chance of saving the Jedi, he could not abandon all rationality. Revan was willful and even rash at times, but not stupid. To even find her, he would need to think things through just as carefully. He couldn't do it alone. Bastila was no help, but there were others… Others who, unlike Bastila, had never broken faith and surely would not abandon Revan now, when she needed all the help she could get.

He hoped, anyway. It was time to call in a few favours.

* * *

 **"A vision? Are you certain?"** Juhani's blue hologram looked deeply troubled. Her cat eyes were slits.

 **"Bastila felt it too."** Carth insisted, **"She claims it's a matter for the Jedi Council. I don't have the time for them to finish arguing. _Revan needs help now."_**

 **"So you want us to drop everything, all our responsibilities, and come rushing after you on this fool's errand? You think I'm an idiot as well as senile?"** Carth could not be certain whether Jolee was being sarcastic or not, his dark wrinkled face remained in a perpetual scowl.

 **"Yes."** The Admiral implored. **"Because you did once before. And because she would do the same for any of us."**

 **"Well, we're coming along that's for sure. Aren't we Big Z?"** Mission replied lightly, the young Twi'lek's projected figure clapping the Wookiee beside her on the elbow.

Zaalbar gave a fierce affirming roar, nodding vigorously.

Carth gave a shaky smile, **"Thank you. I'll feel a lot better knowing I'm with people I can trust."** He turned again to the two Jedi.

 **"Look."** Jolee began, holding his hands up mollifyingly, **"It's not as simple as just** – **"** The old man hesitated, grumbled, shook his head. **"I'm well past my prime! My adventuring days were long behind me before Revan and I ever met and now…"**

 **"What if she's hurt, Jolee?"** Carth prompted with something like hostility. **"Even if you can't fight,"** (Carth doubted this was the case), **"What if we fail because you weren't there to help her?"**

 **"You know the Force better than that, boy."** He admonished gruffly, **"If Revan's destiny is to survive, and yours is to save her, you'll both be plenty able to without _my_ help." **

**"Is that what happened in the Rakatan Temple? You went with Revan then, why not now?"**

 **"That was different. Revan was retracing her steps. Being tempted by powerful forces that she failed to resist before. This time she's…"** He drifted off, lips pursed.

Lip quirking, Juhani finally turned her face up from the ground. **"Perhaps in this… it is wrong to delay. When the Darkness tempted me, they sent Revan to bring me back to the Light. All of us, together – we defeated the Sith once before. Whatever has ensnared her, we will undoubtedly need each other to prevail against it."**

 **"Well I'm glad at least one of the _Jedi_ is able to see reason."** Carth quipped.

 **"Jolee?"** Mission prompted. **"You're part of the team, aren't you?**

Jolee seemed indignant when faced with the stares of the rest gathered. After a tense silence, the old hermit waved a hand harshly. **"Paah! If you're all going to insist on testing fate, then I might as well come along for the ride. Could prove interesting."**

 **"Looks like the band's back together again!"** Mission crowed, brushing back her head-tails. **"When do we set out, _Admiral?_ "**

 **"As soon as possible."** Carth breathed. This was it. They would save her. **"I- Thank you. All of you. I know I'm asking for a lot."** If the Council forbade it, it was grounds to have Juhani expelled from the Order. Mission and Zaalbar's livelihood would be jeopardized. And it was entirely possible the group might not return, not all of them.

 **"You're right though, Revan would do no less for us."** Juhani aired, as if only now recognizing the weight of her decision. **"I only hope we prove true until the end - I sense greater tests lie ahead than any of us fully realize."**

* * *

The hour was late when Carth finally returned to his apartment, the final stop in his preparations. It looked more or less exactly as it had when Revan lived there. Her nightstand – untouched. Her clothes folded neatly as though she would return the next day. Ghostly reminders that now steeled Carth's resolve.

He shed his Admiral's coat. There would be no need for it where he was going. Instead he donned a well-worn yellow jacket, his old pistols, and boots that fit just right. His gaze drifted over the room in one final sweep, trying to picture the last time she had set foot in it. The echoes of his wife's agony still throbbed in Carth's memory.

 _I'll bring you home, Beautiful. Don't worry._

With that, he turned and stepped out onto the platform, where a transport waited to take Carth to his ship. The supplies and the rest of the crew were already aboard the _Kestrel_. She was not the _Hawk_ , but she was sturdy. She would get them to Revan.

Getting out as soon as possible was imperative. They were acting on borrowed time already, there wasn't any left to waste.


	3. Fool's Errand

**"Ready for takeoff,** ** _Admiral?_** **Or is it** ** _Captain?_** **You know come to think, of it, if you're deliberately abandoning your post, doesn't that mean I'm supposed to call you** ** _Deserter_** **or something?"**

 **"We can stick with Carth, Mission."** He replied unenthusiastically, ducking as he walked up the ramp to the _Kestrel_. **"And I'm hardly a deserter."** A satirical grin tugged at his lips, **"I sent in a three hour notice."** Whether the Republic would see it that way, well… He had more important concerns.

The Twi'lek snickered. **"'F you say so,** ** _Carth._** **"**

Striding through the main hold, he nodded to his compatriots in turn. They'd all gathered in the center, and it occurred to Carth he should say something. Standing straight and crossing his arms behind his back, he surveyed the crew. **"Right. So we're all here for the same reason. Finding Revan."**

 **"Bah, spare us the speeches."** Jolee cut in, earning him a critical glare from Juhani. **"Ju-ust saying, I've heard them all before. If we're going to save Revan, skip to the important bits."**

With a rictus of a smile, Carth continued, **"The last reported sighting of Revan was a space station in the outer rim. Seems the best place to start. We know she was retracing her steps, trying to recover her lost memories. We know she… she found something. And that 'something' is probably what has her now. Anyone who could… subdue… Revan is likely to be very powerful in the Force. We won't have strength or surprise on our side."**

 **"Nothing new there."** Mission affirmed lightly, **"I've faced worse odds."**

 **"There's no telling what we'll find, exactly. In my vision, she was in… more pain than I could possibly describe. "** He swallowed. **"When we reach her she might be hurt or- or if her memories really have returned… it's possible the Dark Side of the Force has taken hold of Revan again."**

 **"But you are certain she's alive?"** Juhani trilled uneasily.

 **"Yes."** He replied, perhaps too forcefully. **"Look, I won't order any of you to go with me, if you change your minds. But – just remember what's at stake."** Clearing his throat, he nodded a dismissal and turned towards the cockpit. Mission followed at his heels. With Bastila off playing teacher's pet, and Revan's loss the very manifest of their quest, Mission was the next best choice for copilot.

Adjusting a few knobs and flipping switches, the _Kestrel_ 's displays brightened as the engine began to hum. It felt good to sit in front of these panels again. As Admiral, Carth served the Republic proudly, ably. But _this_ was where he belonged. Piloting his own ship, following the love of his life into all manner of trouble.

Looking over everything one more time, Mission declared with a playful salute, **"Ready for takeoff."**

Carth nodded, and the _Kestrel_ began to ascend.

Of course, it couldn't be that simple.

An urgent buzz grated above the regular rumble of the ship, sourced from a blinking red button that was difficult to ignore. A moment of uncomfortable silence ensued as Carth and Mission both stared at the hail. Bracing himself, the pilot accepted the transmission. **"** ** _Ye-_** **es?"**

" **Carth."** A tart voice on the transmission echoed. _Great._

Mission's eyes grew big as saucers, looking very much like a child who'd just been caught sneaking out. Which wasn't far from the truth, actually.

 **"Bastila."** The pilot replied cooly.

 **"I suppose it was too much to hope you'd be reasonable about this."**

 **"** ** _Reasonable?_** **"** He sputtered, immediately agitated, **"Oh, we're way past** ** _reasonable._** **I'm pretty sure that went out the airlock when the** ** _wife_** **was** ** _abducted._** **I mean you – you can't really expect me to just sit here knowing Revan's in danger, and not try to save her, can you?"**

 **"I understand how difficult this must be, especially given your feelings. But–"**

 **"If you** ** _understood_** **, you wouldn't be trying to stop me."** He interrupted harshly. **"I don't have time for this. Has the Council reached a decision? Or are you just here to goad me."**

To her credit, Bastila hesitated. **"They… urge caution. We must consider the greater good. There are bigger threats to the Republic than the shadows Revan is intent on chasing down."**

 **"Greater good? Funny."** He shot back, **"Because I'm pretty sure the last time Revan went chasing down** ** _shadows_** **she came back at the head of a** ** _Sith Army."_**

Bastila huffed. He couldn't see her, but Carth would bet his favourite blaster she was rolling her eyes. **"You're being a fool. This is not as simple as you make it out to be."**

He supposed that was fair. **"Yeah maybe so. Still doesn't change anything."**

 **"The Council–"**

 **"Since when did you turn back into the Council's mouthpiece?"** Mission interjected.

 **"Mission?"** Bastila sounded surprised. And then quickly reverted to scolding, **"Who else is with you?"**

Over the course of the debate, the rest of the crew had coalesced quietly in the door or the cockpit. An uncomfortable glance passed between everyone except for Zaalbar, who seemed to be the only one present utterly unperturbed by Bastila's disapproval.

Juhani spoke, finally, **"Come with us, Bastila. You know better than anyone the power of the Dark Side – what we face. Carth says you, too, shared the vision. Do you not agree the danger Revan sought is real?"**

Now it was Bastila who went mute. Carth's eyebrows drifted steadily upward as the moments passed, pursing his lips as he glanced back towards Juhani and the others.

 **"Juhani. Mission, Carth…"** The other Knight intoned finally. **"Zaalbar, too then. I assume."**

The Wookiee gave an affirmative bellow.

 **"Who else?"**

As Jolee seemed disinclined to respond, Carth rebutted. **"What does it matter to you?"**

 **"…You think it shouldn't?"** She snipped, bitter, **"Carth, I implore you one last time – call off this foolish mission. We've** ** _lost_** **Revan. There is no benefit in losing anyone else."**

 **"Thanks I'll keep that in mind."** He dismissed sourly, closing the line abruptly. **"Anyone want to get off?"** Carth announced, anger heating his words. **"Now's your chance."**

When no one spoke, he slammed the accelerator. Mission scrambled to compensate as the ship groaned. They shot up rapidly, over the city and into a sunset sky of sanguine red.


End file.
